Why?

What happens at the end of the proverbial tunnel? Do we explode or do we fizzle? Is it the barrel of a gun or the beginning of a cone? Where do we go from here?

When pressed with such questions, one can only begin to ask oneself why she is being asked. “How am I supposed to know what happens at the end of this life? I don’t have any better guess than you, my dear.” And yet, somehow, you do. You know more than I. You always do. How else am I do understand your perspective on the great unknown? How am I possibly to understand my own philosophy if I am not told yours?

Ah yes, we have arrived at another quandary. When we have become dependent, as we are, on each other’s opinions and points of view, where do opinions come from? Where are ideologies born? Where can I find this great man and thank him with an overwhelming hug? Where are ideas made? Are we divinely inspired?

The answer is, of course, no. Alas, we are mere mortals, so to be inspired by the unknown, the infinite, the godly is absurd. No, it is not that which inspires us, but our great curiosity to unravel it. The Cave, my dear, is all around us - the blackness of space is a Cave. Nay, it is a Cave within a Cave. And so on until we find the greatest Cave - the all-encompassing, all-embracing, all-defeating Why?

You see, this Why? we have created, it surely is a dangerous thing. First was clearly What? “What is that?” “What are you doing?” Shortly after What? came Who? “Who are you?” “Who am I?” Clearly, Who? can be more complex than our first instinct. Next, there was Where? and When? “Where are you?” “When is that happening?” “Where am I?” Where? and When? were kind of a pair of bastards, honestly. They jerked around with What? and Who? We started to get different answers with Where? and When?  Then came How? who was the leader of them all. “How did you do that?” “How does that work?” Suddenly, you needed to know What? Who? and Where? just to get to How? A ringleader if I ever saw one. Then, Why?

Why? broke them apart. Not so that they can’t function anymore. No, no, far from it. What? still take to Who? Where?and When? How? still brings them all together. But Why? Why? is the bitch-goddess of them all. No sooner after What? came Why? Same with Where? and Who? But she really knew how to get under How?’s skin. How? commonly felt intense pride in his work, completing tasks as they were given to him. Turning great deals of curiosity into factoids and formulas which could be conversed and computed at will. Why? fouled that up. Fouled it right up.

Surely you know of this. No? Well, allow me to demonstrate.

What am I? What? responds that I am a human being capable of such thought. An acceptable answer.

Who am I? Well, this is a little more vague. I am clearly a writer, but I am also many other things. I am a son. I am a citizen. I am a saint or a sinner or neither at all. Still, I can get some answers from Who?

Where am I? This sounds simpler than it is. I am in America, on the planet Earth, in our Solar System. But, where is our solar system? And what is beyond that? Where? really is a bastard if you let him talk to you for a while.

When am I? Presumably the year 2007 AD, but what is a year and where is it defined? When?’s not as much of a jerk, but she does have some tendencies.

How am I? Well, damn. How? doesn’t know for sure. He’s tried for a long, long time. In fact, he’s gotten really close, he thinks. He’s got most of it figured out, but some of the minor details like how I think really perplexes him. So, How?’s kind of out of it. But a good try.

Why am I?

This is why Why? is a bitch goddess. Why? doesn’t give you any answers that don’t lead to more questions. It all spirals out of the hands of How? which means that What? Who? Where? and When? are totally lost. All Why? can do is talk about herself. Why? Why? Why?

But, when I sat down with Why? she told me that she’s just very lonely. That’s why she always talks about herself like that. She doesn’t mean to get in the way, it’s just... she has to every once and a while. And after talking to Why? she feels as though she’s been tossed around without much regard for her own safety. Not that she doesn’t like being summoned, it’s just that Why? wishes she could give us more.

How? might be on that. How? has been rather prosperous lately. How? has been able to answer some of the things that Why? couldn’t at first. Eventually, if How? tries hard enough, he might just kill Why? Well, not kill, but at the very least hospitalize. Why? will still be called every so often to look things over, however, she will be phased out more and more.

Ironically, though, Why? is far from dead. What? Who? When? and Where? will die. How? will outlive them all, but with no one left to lead, he can only stagnate, slowly finishing his work. By then, the work will come slower. Much slower. At times, he might just stop working so that he doesn’t finish it all. He’s been such a good worker, that he’d miss it. He genuinely would miss doing all that he could for us. Why?’s still bumbling around, but she’s not as limber or as confrontational as she used to be. She’s mellowed with age.

It will be a sad day when How? dies. Everyone will surely gather at the funeral. Why? will suddenly be left with the last pieces that How? hadn’t taken from her. She’d been working on them for many years now, but with little avail. Only after all the others had died and gone will she realize how much she missed them to begin with. She’ll feel guilty for screwing with What? and How? so much. She’ll be all alone.

Once we’re all dead and gone, Why? will still be here, walking up and down the dusty aisles of libraries. She’s so tired, she just wants to be able to lay down and sleep. So, when, at long last, all is gone - all traces of What? and Who? or Where? and When? and long after How? had been forgotten, Why? will sign her name on the final slip of paper just before the end of work.

So, what is at the end of the tunnel?

It’s just Why? finally, asleep.